The resort cafe wanted $18 for scrambled eggs. Eighteen dollars. The eggs were not laid by a famous chicken. So I walked back to our kitchenette, stared at the microwave like it owed me money, and over four nights developed what my kids now call "Dad's Revenge Menu." This is that menu.
Can you really cook actual meals in a microwave?
Yes — a microwave does eggs, pasta, potatoes, rice, steamed vegetables, and dessert perfectly well, and most resort kitchenettes give you one plus a mini-fridge even when there's no stove. The kitchenette is the most under-used money-saver in the entire vacation deal ecosystem. People book villa-style resorts — the kind Westgate is famous for — and then eat every single meal out like the kitchenette is decorative.
One caveat: if you booked an all-inclusive package in Cancun, ignore this entire article, the food is already paid for, go eat seventeen tacos. This is for the rest of us on room-only deals.
The Revenge Menu
1. Mug Scrambled Eggs ($0.80 vs $18)
Two eggs, splash of milk, salt, into a greased mug. 45 seconds, stir, 30 more seconds. Fluffier than you expect. My daughter rated them "basically Denny's," the highest honor she gives.
2. The Loaded Baked Potato ($1.50 vs $14)
Stab a potato 8 times (therapeutic), microwave 5 minutes, flip, 3 more. Top with the shredded cheese and bacon bits from your grocery run. This is a full dinner and nobody can tell me otherwise.
3. Actual Pasta ($2 vs $19)
Pasta in a big bowl, cover with water plus an inch, microwave for the package time plus 3 minutes, stirring once. Drain with the lid. Add jar sauce, microwave 1 more minute. Its not al dente, it's "vacation dente," and it's fine.
4. Steam-Softened Quesadillas ($1.25 vs $13)
Tortilla, cheese, tortilla, damp paper towel over top, 40 seconds. The paper towel is the whole trick — skip it and you get a tortilla chip, which is a different recipe (see #5).
5. Nachos of the Underworld ($2.50 vs $16)
Chips, cheese, canned beans, 60 seconds, then cold toppings after. Serve directly from the bowl while defending it from your family like a raccoon.
6. Microwave Rice ($0.60)
One part rice, two parts water, big bowl, 10 minutes at 70% power, rest 5 minutes. Pair with literally anything on this list.
7. The Fake Risotto ($2.75)
Make the rice above, stir in cream cheese, parmesan from the shaker, and black pepper. A food critic would object, but no food critic has ever payed $22 for resort penne, so their opinion is void.
8. Steamed Broccoli You'll Actually Eat ($1)
Florets, splash of water, covered bowl, 3 minutes, then cheese on top because you're on vacation not a retreat.
9. BBQ Chicken Sliders ($3 vs $17)
Rotisserie chicken from the grocery store (already cooked, that's the cheat), shredded, BBQ sauce, 90 seconds, onto dinner rolls. This one recieved a standing ovation from a nine-year-old.
10. Mug Brownie ($0.70 vs $11)
4 tbsp brownie mix, 3 tbsp water, mug, 60 seconds. Slightly molten in the middle which is legally a feature.
11. S'mores, Indoors, Like a Coward ($0.90)
Graham cracker, chocolate square, marshmallow, 15 SECONDS ONLY. The marshmallow triples in size and the kids will make you do it four more times just to watch.
$18 eggs? Not in THIS kitchenette.
How much does cooking in the room actually save?
For our family of four over four nights, in-room breakfasts and half the dinners saved about $190 against menu prices. Here's the receipt-level breakdown, because I kept the receipts out of — you guessed it — spite.
| Meal | Kitchenette Cost (4 people) | Resort Restaurant | Saved |
|---|---|---|---|
| Breakfast x4 days | $14 | $210 | $196... wait no, $196? yes. $196 |
| Dinner x2 nights | $16 | $130 | $114 |
| Dessert x3 rounds | $4 | $44 | $40 |
| Dinners OUT (worth it) | — | $150 | $0, and no regrets |
Note that we still ate out twice, because vacation. The goal isn't monk mode, it's not paying restaurant prices for EGGS.
Which resorts have the best kitchenettes?
Villa-style timeshare resorts, hands down — full fridge, real plates, sometimes an actual stove you can ignore. The preview packages in Orlando from $49-97 usually put you in exactly this kind of unit, and Gatlinburg cabins often come with full kitchens that make this article look quaint. Check what's on the under-$100 deals page and read the unit descriptions — "villa" and "suite" usually mean microwave-and-fridge minimum. When in doubt, zoom into the listing photos and look for the telltale microwave glow over a mini counter — the appliance photographs like a little beacon of savings. Two seconds of squinting can save you two hundred dollars of restaurant eggs.
Anyway. Go forth. Stab a potato. Save two hundred dollars. And when you're ready to pick the resort your microwave empire will rise in, the deals page is right there.