13 Waterslides Ranked by the Sound You'll Make | VacationDeals.to

Bottom Line Up Front

Thirteen types of resort waterslide, ranked by the involuntary sound each one extracts from a grown adult, scored on the Scream Index: vertical drop × surprise factor ÷ dignity retained. The trapdoor slide produced a noise from me with no vowels in it, and a lifeguard described it as noticable from the parking lot.

The lifeguard at the top of the trapdoor slide asked if I was ready. I said yes. The floor disappeared. The sound I made on the way down had no vowels in it, and when I surfaced, a child in the splash pool looked at me with genuine clinical concern. This article is dedicated to that child. I'm fine now. Mostly.

Bottom Line Up Front: All thirteen waterslide types, ranked by the sound they extract from adults, using the Scream Index: vertical drop × surprise factor ÷ dignity retained. Resort water parks in Orlando and Cancun carry most of these, often included free with your stay.

Why Rank Slides by Sound Instead of Speed?

Because sound is the honest metric: speed can be measured, but the noise you make is the truth your body tells whether you agree or not. Speed stats are marketing, the sound is testimony. I collected this data personally over many trips, and my wife collected the audio evidence, which she has threatened to release if I ever claim to be a brave person at a dinner party again. Here's the full thirteen, quietest to loudest.

The Rankings, Quietest to Loudest

13. The Kiddie Slide You Rode 'For the Bit' — Sound: a self-concious 'wheee'

Four feet tall. You did it for the family photo. The 'wheee' is performed, not felt, and everyone knows it, the six year olds most of all.

12. The Lazy River Entry Ramp — Sound: contented sigh

Technically a slide by the most generous possible definition. You slide eight inches into a tube. The sigh is real and it's earned.

11. The Broad Family Raft Slide — Sound: communal 'wooOOoo'

Four people in a giant round raft, rotating slowly. The 'woo' travels around the raft like a stadium wave as each person swings to the front of the drop. Genuinely lovely. A bonding sound.

10. The Mat Racer — Sound: competitive grunting

Nobody screams on a mat racer becuase everyone is too busy trying to WIN. Eight lanes of adults face-down on foam mats making the sounds of a regional wrestling meet. I have never once heard joy on a mat racer, only strategy.

9. The Slow Dark Tube That's Darker Than Expected — Sound: 'ha ha... hello?'

Enclosed, gentle, but someone skimped on the translucent sections. The sound is a laugh that decays into a genuine question. You emerge having renegotiated your existance slightly.

8. The Toilet Bowl Funnel — Sound: escalating 'ohhh no no no'

You orbit. That's the thing nobody warns you about — the ORBITING. Each revolution the 'no' gains sincerity, and then the drain takes you and the audio cuts out entirely like a dropped call.

7. The Aging Fiberglass Classic at a Certain Older Resort — Sound: 'oof' (percussive, rhythmic)

Every panel seam since 1987 announces itself to your spine individually. It's not a scream, it's percussion, you are the instrument. I rode one of these at a certain resort that shall remain anonymous and my back filed a formal compliant.

6. The See-Through Loop Section — Sound: a whispered swear

The clear section exists so your family can watch your face, and your face knows it. The sound is quiet but the security camera footage is forever.

5. The Aqua Coaster That Goes UP — Sound: confused 'whoa-WHOA?'

Water jets push you uphill, violating everything you believed about slides. The first 'whoa' is delight, the second is your inner physicist resigning on the spot.

4. The Speed Slide From Genuinely Too High — Sound: sustained vowel, pitch rising

A single open flume from a tower you can see from the highway. One long 'aaaAAAA' that Doppler-shifts for observers below. Should of stretched first. Dignity retained: 15 percent.

3. The Drop Slide Into Open Air — Sound: bark, then silence, then splash

The slide ends and for a moment you are simply an item in the sky. The bark is involuntary, the silence is freefall, the splash is embarassing in direct proportion to your entry angle.

2. The Racing Slide Against Your Own Child — Sound: fake laughing that becomes real screaming

It starts as parenting and ends as survival. You will hear yourself make both sounds within three seconds and you're child will win, they always win, they weigh nothing and fear nothing.

1. The Trapdoor Launch Capsule — Sound: [no vowels]

You stand in a clear capsule. A countdown happens TO you. The floor leaves. The resulting sound is consonants only — a 'khhkt' or a 'pfhh' — because vowels require air and the air is still up in the capsule. Highest possible Scream Index: max drop, max surprise, dignity retained: zero, and I'd do it again this weekend.

The floor leaves. The vowels stay behind.

Where Can You Ride All Thirteen Without Buying Water Park Tickets?

Resort water parks are the budget cheat code: many big resorts include full slide complexes free for guests, and preview-rate packages get you those same guest privileges from $49-149. Here's how the access math works:

Option	Typical Cost	Slide Variety	Value Verdict
Standalone water park day tickets (family of 4)	$200-320/day	Maximum	Fun, pricey
Resort with slide complex, rack rate	$250-400/night	High	Included, but the room costs plenty
Same resort via preview package	$49-149 total	High	The cheat code
Cancun all-inclusive with slides	$149-479 total	High + swim-up bar	Elite

Pro Tip: Ride the scariest slide FIRST, before your brain collects opinions about it. Lines are shortest in the first hour, your nerve is freshest, and the rest of the day feels like a victory lap. Also: one hand on the swimsuit waistband on any slide ranked 4 or higher. Veterans know.

The Sound Is the Souvenir

Photos fade, but your family will re-enact the noise you made on the trapdoor slide at every holiday gathering for the rest of natural time. That's the real economy of a water park: you're purchasing stories at volume. Slide-heavy resorts across Cancun and Orlando are all over our current deals, most in the double digits. Go make a sound with no vowels in it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do resort water parks cost extra for guests?

At most resorts with on-site water parks, slides and pools are included free for registered guests. A few larger complexes charge a small daily amenity fee, so check before booking.

What is a trapdoor waterslide?

It's a slide where you stand in an enclosed capsule and the floor drops away, launching you into a near-vertical descent. It delivers the highest acceleration of any common slide type.

What is the scariest type of waterslide?

Most riders rank trapdoor launch capsules first, followed by open drop slides and high speed slides. Funnel and bowl slides feel wilder than they are; enclosed dark tubes are gentler than they look.

Are resort waterslides safe for kids?

Yes, within posted height and age limits, which are enforced by lifeguards at every major resort. Family raft slides and mat racers are designed for mixed ages riding together.

How can a family ride waterslides cheaply in Orlando?

Book a resort that has its own slide complex through a preview package — commonly $49-99 for multi-night stays — and slide access is included as a guest amenity, avoiding $50-80 per person day tickets.

When are water park lines shortest at resorts?

The first hour after opening and the late afternoon dinner lull have the shortest lines. Midday between 11am and 3pm is peak wait time.

Why do you have to cross your arms on some waterslides?

Crossed arms and legs keep your body narrow and streamlined, preventing elbow and heel contact with the flume on fast slides. It's a safety requirement, not a suggestion.

Do Cancun all-inclusive resorts have waterslides?

Many do — several Cancun and Riviera Maya all-inclusives feature full slide towers and kids' aqua parks, all included in the all-inclusive rate along with meals and drinks.